A Woman’s Statement to Men on Finances – Part 2
In the first part of this article, we looked at a few issues around finances that often arise between couples, and the possible reasons for lack of financial harmony. This second part looks at the impact of past financial experiences, and ways to move the family forward through greater collaboration, understanding and better decisions.
The ideas we grew up with about marriage tend to affect our financial behaviours within marriage. If mum always begged like a slave for everything she needed, I may enter into marriage with a mindset that my money will be all mine.
Some mothers today, even where the husband is alive and well, have to carry the burden of educating the children and providing their needs. With such background, the children develop a certain attitude to money within their own marriage relationship.
So, how you handle your home finances today has its impact on your male and female kids. The boys see, hear and perceive dad’s attitude regarding money, same with the girls from mom. This financial understanding could be healthy or unhealthy.
For instance, a couple with a poverty mentality, would tend to pass to the children the thinking that, if you have money or an opportunity to grab money, get all you can today because tomorrow it may not be there. Look around today in our society, such poverty mentality has resulted in things like greed, looting of government treasury, corrupt practices, professional beggars, always asking for “egunje” and lack of work/life balance. It begins in the family but the society gets affected.
Before writing this piece, I randomly gathered a group of kids in my neighbourhood and asked them: “What advice would you like me to give to your dad regarding MONEY?”
They had this to say: “Tell our daddy to stop wasting money on alcohol. He should use the money to buy important things like: food and pay school fees.”
I wanted to know what was unimportant for them. They said: “Cigarette and alcohol. Dad should stop following bad friends like kidnappers, smokers, drunkards, armed robbers. Dad should also not be greedy for money”
Your Time Currency
One way to spend on the family, besides just buying things, is spending quality time with them – wife and kids. You may say you provide all we need to “Cushion” us from difficulties, but you are not around to play with us, teach us and have fun with the children and I. We have all the money we need, but we miss you. You are not there for us. Please spend time with us. It’s money well spent too.
It is said that in many cases, when a woman gets money, she first thinks of the home, the kids and how to better the home. If this is truly what she does, then join her in making your home a Priority.
Please don’t forget to take her out too. Having dates out helps you both feel young in love and hopefully brings you closer and aids communication.
Leadership in the Home
The man is the head of the family. This calls upon his leadership in finances too. But as you know, leadership is not about ego, bossing others around or struggle for power.
So too, your leadership in the area of finance is not meant to Lord it over your spouse.
Leadership is about having a vision and building consensus towards the vision. As a wife, I want to know and see that my husband has a financial plan and vision for our family, and we can work towards it together.
The Leader of the family would have a strong vision for his family. This would be demonstrated in the way the family finance is managed. Wife and kids want a better home; a home in which finances work towards a better future for the family.
A woman’s life is tied to her kids. Words expressed by kids could likely resonate with the unspoken words of their mother. You can get a tip of this by talking with the kids.
Looking into the Future
Speaking of the future, do you have a WILL? Please, may you live long, but write a WILL. You step an inch, she suddenly becomes a dependent. In some cultures, she suddenly must depend on the sons and male relatives even to feed herself.
Some forward-thinking wives may bother about this. A WILL may not solve all the problems, but see if in your circumstance it puts your wife in better stead while you may be away.
Still on the future, a quote from Henry Buckley says, “Save part of your income and begin now, for the man with a surplus controls circumstances and the man without a surplus is controlled by circumstances”.
Please SAVE and INVEST to give your family a possible brighter future.
You can click here to read the part 1 of this article.
- Linda Ellah
Please See Related Post: What Kind of Husband do You think You are?