-Why Some Men Admire Married Women – “Hot Topic”, TVC News.
Ladies on “Your View – Hot Topic”, a TVC News Nigeria programme, today condemned marital infidelity and bared their thoughts on why some men admire married women, a phenomenon that they regard as commonplace, nowadays.
Tope Mark Odigie set the tone for that discussion by narrating her experience when she newly got married. According to her, she went out somewhere with her husband where they met a man who complimented them for looking admirable as a couple. She added that when her husband went to the rest room few minutes later, the same man forcefully dropped a complimentary card with her and said, “Just give me a call”. Tope said that she dropped the card on the table and when her husband joined her, she showed him the card and told him: “Your friend dropped this card. I wonder why he waited until you went to the rest room before he could give me his card”. She disclosed that she thought she was the only one that had that sort of experience until she shared it with other married women who told her that in recent times, even with wedding rings bold in their hands, married women get chased by men.
However, Jumoke Alawode-James said, “It swings both ways. I know a man, single, to toast women is just for him to wear a wedding ring. Because they believe that because you are married, you are more responsible. So it is both ways. Even married women these days, show body, green light to married men because they believe that a married man is more responsible. The men who are toasting married women they know that you would keep it a secret. You are not going to be calling me like a single girl would call me, morning, afternoon and night. You because you are a married woman, whatever happens between us is hidden because you are not going to want your husband to suspect.” She submitted that the availability of many married women nowadays, makes men to go after them. To her, “If they were no women available to these men, they would not even think that it is possible.”
The ladies unanimously said that even some married men chase their friends’ wives.
In this vein, Yeni Anikulapo-Kuti said: “One of the things that these married men don’t realize is that if you are chasing a married woman, somebody is chasing your own wife. You can’t cheat karma. You can’t escape it. If they don’t chase her today, they would chase her tomorrow. And do not be doing your own work at home. Somebody would help you do the work.”
Nyma Akashat-Zibiri’s opinion on the issue is that: “Some people are just very daring, they think you are not content. Once, one elderly man called me and said ‘is your husband treating you well?’ My husband was right beside me and I said ‘does he look like he is not treating me well?’ He said ‘I hope he is not beating you’. I said ‘ah ah sir! We are fine.’ He said ‘I am just asking’. So, they want to know whether you are a content woman. And when you have issues, they start giving you a shoulder to cry on.” She added that “As a married woman, the way you carry yourself matters. You shouldn’t seek favours from married men. Once you are married, to respect your husband is to live within his means.”
Morayo Afolabi-Brown, the program’s anchor, said that marital infidelity occurs when there is a void in marriage. She stated that although there is no excuse for cheating in marriage, some women who want attention do not enjoy such attention from their husbands, making such women susceptible to compromise.
In this regard, Yeni Kuti stated that she is so secure and open minded that she would not even notice if a man is chasing her, unless the man plainly says so. She added that: “A lot of women are available, not emotionally, but financially… If I am talking to somebody and he says, ‘send me your account number’, I would send it o! I don’t want to lie.” This view attracted a roar of laughter from other ladies on the program.
Tony, calling from London, United Kingdom, recommended that Nigerian women should stand up for their rights and earn their respect, stating that “If a man walks up to you and you know you are married, just give him a slap… you have to take a stand. Most Nigerian men don’t have respect for women”. He said that he treats his wife well and sets good precepts for his daughters by telling them that men ought to respect women and they should not condone any man that disrespects them.
The Ladies submitted that married men should be responsive enough to work on their wives so that such wives could be up to the standard that the men want or admire in the women outside their homes.
Speaking further on the issue, Jumoke stated: “Married women, when a man just wants to sleep with you and he is a married man, the first thing he would say to you is that his wife, she is a nag, she doesn’t cook, she is fat. He is not going to leave his wife. Not all of them… they are just going to tell you the things you want to hear…. He is going to give you the impression that his home is broken. All he wants to do is sleep with you.”
Afolabi-Brown admonished married men to refrain from chasing married women, stating that such women “are off limits”. She added that “if you are having issues with your own marriage, your own wife, work on your marriage…men must take responsibility”.
The program rounded off with these final words from Jumoke and Tope, respectively.
Jumoke: “Married women, please don’t be a slay queen outside, be a slay Queen to your husband at home”.
Tope: “If no married woman opens her leg to any man, there would be no infidelity in the world”.
“Your View” airs weekdays on TVC News Nigeria and features the aforementioned five women who lead discussions on the views of Nigerians concerning diverse issues of public importance.
- Cornelius Ellah