Bukola’s Letter Outreach to Young Girls
It sickens and saddens me at the same time to see how some girls/women allow themselves to be treated and handled by men. This is not one of those “women arise” talk, where we think we have learnt, and nothing happens afterwards. We are going to be woke, and stay “woke“! No offense to the guys, but we gotta do what we gotta do.
I must say that it is solely our fault that we receive some of the treatments we receive. So, here goes, recent experiences, both personal and impersonal that have led me to realize that there’s nothing stronger than an independent, intelligent, God-submitting woman. It is just beautiful! These experiences are not ones I’d like to relive, but I’m glad I lived through them.
You may agree with me when I say we all love that feeling where we can do things for ourselves, and even more than anyone (men) can do for us. If you have problems, don’t take it to them. You are fully capable of taking care of business, and if you must take it to someone, then take it to Jesus!
It is necessary to maintain balance in a relationship. Trust me you’ll know when there’s a shift in balance. There is usually a thin line between “letting” him take care of you and putting your whole life on him. How do you solely depend on him (this is with reference to singles) and still get an opinion in matters? There is always going to be that tiny voice in your head telling you to hold back before he gets angry and your allowance suffers, and that constant paranoia that has you reading meanings into everything said, because, girl you are insecure.
It must seem difficult to take sole responsibility for yourself, not to sound insensitive, but there’s a lot you can do to stay responsible. Get busy, and stay busy, that is, if it is productive. I want girls to know, taste, and wear power, because it is a beautiful color on any woman.
Another area we need to exert control is over our relationships. Women suffer the breakup syndrome more than men do, why? It is because we think marriage is so important. We lose ourselves trying to be good enough, or marriable (I totally invented that), and I partially blame our parents for this female warped mentally. You don’t see any male child growing up in an environment where he is constantly reminded that he should be proper because he’ll have in-laws someday, or cook well, because he’ll have a wife someday.
Good behavior is encouraged for boys, but not solely because of marriage. But because we have been raised in the exact opposite, marriage has become a serious aspiration and ambition. When a group of girls sit down, what are they talking about? Men! And what will happen or what they will do when they get married. There’s nothing wrong with discussing men, but there’s everything wrong with making it a habit. Personally, I don’t think it’s a worthy conversation, so I consciously try to discuss productive and more interesting topics, so I don’t get drawn in.
I’m rooting for the day when any woman who has just gone through a breakup will be as unaffected as most men are now after a breakup, and it’ll be just as easy to move on as it is flipping a page. How is this going to happen? I’ll say, save some of yourself! Save all of yourself, no sacrifices made, no regrets, and sex, sex is out of it.
Why would I want to buy a whole cow, when I’m already getting milk? Think about it ladies, there’s a lot to be done with your youth than trying to please a man and living with marriage as your goal.
I am on a journey to being a whole woman, and so far, so good!
- Bukola Edgar
Student of Mass Communication – Year 3
Cross River University of Technology (CRUTECH)