”Warri no de carry last” got to Church last Friday. I saw this yesterday in a video that was shared in Thespian ’91 Unical, a WhatsApp forum that belongs to my classmates during my undergraduate years at the University of Calabar. Viktor Necus-Agba, my bosom pal, shared it there. I later realized that the video is currently trending online. In case you haven’t watched it, see the video above.
Here is the storyline:
The video shows how a clergyman ordered a woman in his church to walk around the auditorium of the church and hold any man she would like to marry, among thousands of men gathered there for ”prophecy time”.
A Warri, Delta State-based Pastor and member of Thespian ’91 disclosed that the setting of that non-fictional video is Mercyland Church, located just after the Flyover at Effurun Junction, Warri, on the way to Benin City, Edo State. The Pastor craves anonymity here.
The video opens with the Clergyman screaming: ”Hey you! You with… I no know o! How dem plait your hair? Is your husband here? Is your husband here?” That question implies that the Clergyman either knows the woman’s husband or had been divinely informed that the woman is married. But the woman stepped forward and stated that she is not married. The Clergyman seemed taken aback. He stuttered: ”Your husband is not here. You are not married…you just…you are not married? You just…hmmm. Come here! You are not married? Oh! Stand there wait for me. I am coming.” Apparently, his prophesy needed momentary readjustment. The woman may have given him what he didn’t foresee. Thus, he strutted to the back of the church while a voice from the loudspeaker urged worshipers to shout ”Prophet I am here! Prophet prophesy to me!”
When the Prophet returned to the Podium, he asked the woman when she would like to marry. The woman seemed stunned and said ”eh?” She hurriedly responded that she would like to marry ”today”, after the Prophet harshly repeated that inquiry. She was then ordered to instantly hunt for a husband inside the church. After looking around some rows of seats without seeing a husband, the Clergyman ordered her to search further by surveying the gallery and other sections of the church which was packed full of people. It was as if she was serving penance for being unmarried. She returned empty handed and appealed to the Clergyman to direct her to a husband. But he replied: ”Eh? Na me go direct you? Who you would like to marry, it is left for you….Na me go direct you?” As if she had not been acting on his directives and looking hypnotized by this, all along!
Well, the Clergyman explained to his bemused congregation that the woman’s enemies have saddled her with a spiritual mask that makes her wonder around aimlessly, in search of a husband. One wonders why he still subjected her to another round of aimless search inside the church, since he already claimed to know her plight. But he added that the woman has been left at the mercy of men who only encounter her just to ”chop and go”, as he termed such adventure. Or misadventure, to put it more appropriately. The woman affirmed this, adding that ”so many” men had ”chopped” and gone. The Clergyman seemed impressed by that affirmation. He gleefully announced: ”So many don chop am. Who go like marry am?”
Pronto, about seven men rushed out to answer that ”altar call”. They all described her as worthy of marriage. Yet, who knows if they simply needed to join the bandwagon to also ”chop and go”? One of the men justified his desire to marry the woman by saying ”she get my height”. As if she is the only woman that has his height!
However, she didn’t like any of these men. Her desire to get married ”today” didn’t seem as desperate as the Clergyman expected it to be. The Clergyman seized the opportunity of the woman’s apparent defiance to interpret it as proof of his vision that the woman would ”look for a husband forever”. He immediately invited unmarried women in that church to step out and touch the person they would like to marry, among the men that had been disliked by the latter woman. Several women dashed out and lined up behind those men. One man had about eleven (11) women behind him. Another man wore disappointing looks when he was asked to turn around and see the array of women lined behind him. It looks like none of the women met his physical specifications of a wife. When the Clergyman asked him if he liked the women, he paused and bowed his head before saying ”yes sir”. Whereas his reply and attitude clearly said ”no sir”.
Nevertheless, the Clergyman ordered his Pastors to write down names of these ”husbands”, adding that ”we cannot allow women to be like this forever….I want to marry for you people.” He gave the men this month’s end as deadline for ”screening” of their ”wives”. He also gave them only one term of reference for this ”screening”: They should never meet their wives at night. He implied that he is ubiquitous, when he warned that he would ”catch” them, if they violate that term of reference.
The Clergyman promised that he would sponsor their marriages in his church, on the same day. The video ends after he told the first lady to go and look for a husband, before laying hands on her that sent her sprawling on the floor.
We wish the woman success in her search. We also wish the young men in that video good luck in the screening of the women that lined up behind them. To the Clergyman, we can only say:
”Indeed, Warri no de carry last. Even in spiritual matters! Happy Sunday!”
- Cornelius Ellah